the whole story makes the end so worth it.
I’ve been putting off writing about this. Didn’t really want to deal with it and accept that it’s over and that I won’t be going back very soon. Now, I’m sitting in my dorm room after playing a rousing game of slip n slide kickball with a group of people on campus. So tired, but my mind is just going. I’m going to write this thing. Here we go. The conclusion to my year in Turkey.
Before I go on, I just want to say that I realize this is going to sound terribly depressing. My last two weeks were more than I could have possibly asked for, filled with fun and laughs and family. But, I’m writing this to show that most of it was bitter-sweet. After every good feeling followed a bad one: the reality of leaving, saying good bye.
Thankfully, however, the whole story (my entire year in Turkey) makes the end so worth it.
This is what the end looked like for me: I would spend my last week in Bodrum with my family, come back the Tuesday night before I left. I would spend all day Wednesday in the city, then depart from Istanbul Thursday morning.
Every single day was a “good bye” for me during the week before we left for Bodrum. Exchange students were leaving and different friends would be out of town when I returned that next Wednesday. It was a lot to handle. I was constantly around the city with exchange students trying to help them live their last days in Istanbul the way they wanted to. Eating Turkish food, bargaining in Turkish at the Grand Bazaar, or just walking the streets of some of our favorite places. My schedule was a little hectic trying to spend time with everyone AND make sure I wasn’t leaving my host family in the dust. I remember one night, I stayed out really late with Amanda because it was her last night. After we said good bye, I hoped on a dolmus to Alara’s house and spent the night with her. I didn’t want to say good bye to her parents that next morning. I wanted to just pretend that I would see them again in a few weeks or less. Good byes are always so strange. I’d just rather not say it.
Another night, we had dinner at a restaurant in Kuruçeşme, right on the Bosphorus. My family and Laura’s first host family. It was fun but really quite sad. Laura and I kept looking at each other just totally in disbelief. This was “a last time.” We were almost done. It hurts to think about that moment. Needless to say, a few tears were in fact shed on this night. And they never seemed to stop flowing.
I had lunch with my friend, Deniz, right by Taksim square. We didn’t say good bye. Instead we hoped we would see each other that next Sunday before I left for Bodrum. It didn’t work out. And that was the last time I saw her.
On Tuesday, I had my last family dinner at my host grandmother’s house. I cried on the way home while Yasemin and Erim were sleeping.
The next day, Yasemin and I went to the changing of the officers for my host Rotary club. It was a nice ceremony followed by a dinner with all the Rotarians, my sister, and a short-term exchange student from Ohio. I experienced the scariest moment of my life (yes, scarier than almost sliding off a cliff in Cappadocia) when the president asked me to say a few things to the club… in Turkish of course. I’m not good at improvisation in my own language, so this was terrifying for me. I wanted to be able to really get across how much I truly did learn and how much I appreciated everything they had given me in this single year. And with a little bit of forewarning, I would have been able to do that easily. Instead my mind began the stressful journey through a maze of grammar and vocabulary as I slowly walked toward the podium. I opened my mouth to speak, and suddenly, it was over. I thought, “Did I really just do that?” I looked at Yasemin and she smiled, mostly because I was shaking so hard and she was making fun of me. But I’m glad she got to watch me do that. It was certainly one of my proudest moments of the year.
Well, we flew to Bodrum early in the morning. Bodrum is a really popular summer get-away for Turks as well as many tourists from all over the world. It’s located in the southwest of Turkey and the Greek islands are actually visible from the coast. :) It was magnificent. The colors were vibrant and beautiful. The Aegean Sea was crystal clear as fish swam around our feet. However, it was freezing cold. But after the first blast of the chill and Turks yelling out, “buz gibi” (like ice), we got pretty used to it. And Yasemin and I used some goggles to watch all the sea life swimming around us from underwater. Being that cold certainly gave us reason to lay out in the sun when we were done swimming. The warm sun drenched my body for hours every day for a week. Hence the tan everyone raved about when I got back to Lake Jackson. One of my favorite parts of our time at the beach was swimming really far out with Yasemin and my host mom. I’ve never swam in water that deep and with my goggles, I could see everything. It was truly amazing. I also really enjoyed doing flips in the water with Yasemin. Oh, and simit and cay while we basked in the sun. :) We stayed at the beach from as early as 9 am to dinnertime every day except for two. One day, we went to the bazaar and another day, Yasemin, my host mom, and I went to the castle. At night, we would usually choose a restaurant to go to and often end up looking at the shops in the center of the city. Right now, I really want the kofte we had on our first night.
There are so many wonderful moments throughout that trip that I’ll never forget. Every breakfast on the balcony, every night talking with Yasemin, every laugh with my host mom, and so much more.
It started sinking in on the morning of July 5th. We were still in Bodrum. I remember just waking up and me and Yasemin were pretty much thinking the same thing. 2 days left.
I teared up a little when we landed back in Istanbul for the last time.
I was basically packed, but I wanted to make sure I had every moment to be with my family during my last hours, so I finished. That was Tuesday night.
The next morning was the start of my last full day. Yasemin and I had plans to just be around the city together. I had truly had my fill of everything I wanted from the city, so all that seemed to matter was quality time with people I would miss so much. Yasemin and I rode the metro and went to Kanyon to met up with Alara. We had some coffee and talked, then said our good byes. It was sad, but I just know that I’ll see Alara again soon. I do miss her a lot though… Then, we met up with Logan and Kerem. We decided the best thing to do would be to play some intense laser tag. It was a blast. And Yasemin had been dying to play for the longest time. It was perfect. Then I had to say good bye to Logan. :(
Yasemin and I met up with my host mom and went back to the house. We got ready for the night ahead. My last night.
My sweet host family invited people over for dinner. Pelin’s family, Asli and Elif, and the whole family. I was so happy to be with all of them. It meant the world to me. A lot of the night, I played with Elif upstairs. She asked me in Turkish why I was going back to America. I told her that my family misses me. We spoke a lot of Turkish that night. It was really satisfying. And Elif is such a cutie that I just had a blast playing with her and the other girls. I remember just sitting in the living room talking with the all the girls after we had some dessert. And I cried. I cried when Pelin left. And it was hard to stop crying after that.
Yasemin and I stayed up all night together. We tried watching She’s the Man, but my computer was messing up. Then we watched Pretty Little Liars and I kept getting up to go to the bathroom because I was feeling sick… I just wish I could go back and sit in that room with her. Man, this is why I did not want to write about this. :’(
We didn’t fall asleep. I just remember hearing my host mom’s alarm go off and everything after that moved so fast. We both were crying as I packed up the rest of my stuff. I brought it downstairs. Said good bye to Erim and my host dad, gave them the cards I had written them. Tears, of course, flowing. As I walked out the door and got in to the car, my host dad sweetly assured me that I always have a home in Turkey. We girls headed to the European side. Tears streaming… We all talked a little. I watched the city pass by me for the last time. I soaked in as much as I could. I wanted to take it back with me so badly. We were almost to the airport when I realized that I wasn’t really paying attention when we crossed the Bosphorus. My heart sunk. But I was much much much much much more focused on my host mom and sister.
Ahhh there was so much I wanted to say. I kept feeling so sick. Seriously, I would run to the bathroom every minute cause I thought I was going to throw up. My host mom bought me some breakfast, and I felt horrible, but I just couldn’t eat it. I could not even look at it. :/ Suddenly, it was time to get in the passport line. I stood there with my host mom and Yasemin. I just didn’t want to believe that this was the moment I had been dreading since I met them. I was about to have to do the hardest thing I’d ever done in my life. We hugged so much. And said good bye. I got in line. And looked back so many times, crying. I didn’t even care if people stared at me. My sobbing and gasping. It was a pretty pathetic sight I’m sure, but I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was to run back to them. I thought about getting out of line a few times, but never did. Kinda wish I had.
Then I stepped past the passport line, and looked back for the last time, waved, blew a kiss, turned around and kept walking. Still sobbing. And walking to my terminal.
I was crying sitting on the plane before it took off. The person in front of me shh-ed me. The lady to the right of me handed me a tissue and asked if I was alright.
A few moments after taking off, I closed my window to spare myself the drama in seeing the city disappear behind the clouds. And with my stomach still twisting, my heart pounding in my throat, I fell asleep.
When I landed in London, I finally felt hungry. Starving, actually. I had absolutely no cash on me and most of what was on my card had to be spent on unexpected fees at the airport in Istanbul. So, I converted the Bulargian lev I had intended on keeping for myself in to the correct currency, and bought myself a little sandwich. I sat down and texted my host mom and my real parents, too. I never really stopped tearing up, and when a man approached me to ask me a question, I was totally caught off guard. But, through that short conversation, I was able to start thinking about things that didn’t tear apart my heart. I started thinking about the wonderful people waiting for me back home. :)
There was a three-hour delay from London to Houston due to a leak they found after boarding. So I sat on the plane in London for three hours. A man from Latvia sitting next to me seemed to have decided that we were going to talk for the entire trip. However, it was very difficult to understand his English and I was not in a very patient place. Even with my head phones in, clearly watching Glee, he would tap my shoulder to tell me… something. Eventually, after several glasses of red wine, he fell asleep. And so I was able to do the same.
I loved going through customs. It was nice to be in a country where I was considered a citizen again.
I felt strange. But loved seeing my family and Chantel and Amy. It was perfect.
I was so wired coming home. Couldn’t really stop talking. I guess I was excited in a way. It did actually feel good to be home. And the story goes on from there.
Part of me will always be in Istanbul. A lot of my heart is still there with my family and certain friends. I just love my host mom and everything she did for me!! Treating me like a true daughter and friend, I just always felt so loved and SO blessed!! I miss my sister more than anything in the world and all I want is to sit around and laugh with her again! I miss being a part of her life!! I think about them every single day. I am so looking forward to getting back there.
Thank you, family (including extended family and all the family friends we spent so much time with). Thank you, Asli. Thank you, inbounds!!! Thank you, Alara. Thank you, Deniz. Thank you, Istanbul. :) <3
THE END!
